It Is (still not) Well With My Soul

 

I’ve been reading The Shack. There’s a part of it where Mack, the main character, is having the conversation with God about how your soul and relationships are what Life is all about. Not wealth, not success, not career, not food, not fun, not blessings. This stuck in my head…because to me, as in the book, it didn’t make sense for the character either.

Because, doesn’t God want us to be successful, have a career, put food on our tables, save money and live happily?

Yes.

He does.

But that’s not what life is about.

God has been speaking to me, slowly, ever since 2014. He has tested my family over that time and brought us to new levels. And although singing Oceans by Hillsong is sort of like asking God for patience (you’ll get what you’re asking for), I’ve kept on singing it. Life has gotten harder each year.

Yet, today, I asked God to tell me what I needed to do. What is it that You need me to do that I’m not doing? (Besides waiting, which is a strenuous non-activity in itself) And that section from The Shack came to my mind.

I believe, once you start growing in the Spirit, and your soul starts to fully depend on Him; God will not let you go. He wants you to STAY that way, depending on Him for every.last.breath. And sometimes, success, wealth and those other things that makes up worldly LIFE become distractions and get in the way of that stronghold.

Personally, I’m in the midst of that growing in the Spirit. Sometimes I ask God to stop or pause that part and give me something that isn’t so hard.

Just the other day I was asking Him to give me a glimpse, a sign that He was doing something, just so I could have hope. He’s done that sometimes without me asking. Yet, this time, He responded with words you might consider harsh: “Don’t test me. I’m not to be tested. Trust that I am God and I am always working, even if you see it or not.”

So basically, He said, “Shush! What do you know about ME?

Don’t you know I AM THE GREAT I AM?”

I received a spanking.

Please don’t think you shouldn’t ask God for things or signs or to give you hope. He wants you to. You just have to think before you ask.

“Am I asking because I truly feel despaired and have no way out?

or

Am I asking because I’m nagging at God because it’s just not happening in my time-frame even though I KNOW He’s loyal, just, mighty and capable?”

If you’re old school or Baptist (isn’t it the same thing? LOL) you’ve probably heard the hymn

“It Is Well With My Soul”.

Here are some tough lyrics for you:

Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say

It is well, it is well, with my soul

 I believe the day I can sing that song, from the heart, truthfully, not just because I know it by heart, but because my heart knows it. That day is the day I’ll graduate to another level.

I’m not there yet. But my desire is to keep on running the race with my eyes fixed on Jesus. Praying that very soon, all will be well with my soul…whatever my lot.

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